We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
