I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
