there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
