so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
