Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
