Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You're a waste of cheezeits
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
