what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
