I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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