if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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