Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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