Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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