I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
