You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
