I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
