im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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