margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Welp...herpes.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
