Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
