Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
