I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
