Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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