hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
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i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
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I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
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