How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
