I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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