i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
