whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
