He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.