i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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