i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
