Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
as a side note pls kill me
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