the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
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can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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