I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
