Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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