she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Found the puke drawer
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
