I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
