New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
