hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
