I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
