You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
