alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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