Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
