I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
