so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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