tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
