No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
