so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
