bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
