Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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