God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
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I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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