super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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