I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
