found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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