He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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