i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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