I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
