The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
