The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just puked most of my soul out..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
