Duck Duck Cougar?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
