dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
