U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
