i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I am available for nakedness