i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS