Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
