um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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