weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
