There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just found puke in my bra..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
