sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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