Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
