I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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