Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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