I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
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my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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