it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
