having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
