I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
