what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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