Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
