how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
