It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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